i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
