i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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