Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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