Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize