You really coming over, don't trick.
a search helicopter?!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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