I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need moral support for this bender
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
