Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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