The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
