trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
