I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
