You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
