She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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