he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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