I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
