I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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