My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
