just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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