I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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