He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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