did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
