so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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