I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
