if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
