I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize