He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He better not be in your backpack
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
