The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
