What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
