We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
