Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
