Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
