omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dear god my vagina.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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