distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
