after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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