And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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