Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize