what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drunk is not a location!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
