Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
