I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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