So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
