She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
