You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
