How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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