sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
