i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize