Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's get the cat blown out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
