I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
