did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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