11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
