No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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