We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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