$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
