a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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