So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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