Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
