Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
