I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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