So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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