Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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