i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
