Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
