theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
