areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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