Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
