You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
