that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
