they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
