I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
