her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
