lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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