If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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