2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize