That's intense
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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